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The months following her passing were very difficult for me emotionally, and I was having a hard time dealing with the grief, and the guilt. I had periodically struggled with bouts of guilt since high school, when I began to use masturbation to help deal with stress and insecurities. Back then, it was referred to as “abusing oneself”. I tried to stay busy and exercise to manage these urges, but when that did not work, masturbation (usually in conjunction with anal stimulation) became my “drug of choice”, as it were. I thought marriage would alleviate the need for this, and it did, for a while. But, compulsive, addictive behaviors are hard to break, and I found myself despairing over my lack of self-control. An even greater threat to my battered conscience was my growing desire for close physical intimacy with another male. Throughout my life, my traditional Southern upbringing and church teaching consistently taught me that such desires and behaviors are, at best, morally disordered,. I rub his crotch, trying to get him as hard as I can. He unbuttons my jeans as I take them off as well as my panties, showing my shaven pussy. Im far from a virgin, but he will be the oldest guy Ive slept with. I can feel his hand trail down my back as he squeezes my tight ass. What position do you want me in, sir? I ask seductively. Bend over. He smirks. I do as he says and bend over his desk, showing my tight wet pussy to him as he gets behind me. He starts with his fingers, probing my vagina an inch at a time with one finger, then slowly adding a second as he finger fucks me. I wasnt expecting to enjoy it so much, but with each thrust he makes I get even more wet. I dont even see his cock before I feel the head of it rubbing up and down against my entrance. As far as I can tell its thick, thicker than anything Ive ever had before. Hes not wearing a condom, but theres no chance I can get pregnant anyways on the pill. Slowly his cockhead enters my body as I give an involuntary.
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